how many “take me to the museum and make out with me” posts can y’all make like damn you’re horny and pretentious we get it
[pre-gifs] “…So, she [Paris Hilton] was a very wealthy woman, [initially] not that well known and then she gets to mega-stardom. How? The sex tape. Which was made by her boyfriend at the time, who was married, and thirteen years her senior. She sued to try and stop it [the tape’s circulation] and she couldn’t and it became the best selling sex tape for two years on the porn market.”
people who are going to vote for ukip in the EU elections
can you not
Raise your hand if you have watched so much British television that is has actually changed your speech patterns.
I’ve not the slightest idea how you’ve come round to that idea.
Exactly. I haven’t the foggiest idea of how you’ve come to that conclusion.
What in the bloody hell are you blabbering on bout you twat?
Behold, people that have never been within 50 feet of anyone even remotely British.
What? Bisexual? She can’t be bisexual, you’re only bisexual if you’re actively fucking two people of two differing genders at the same exact time. The moment you stop fucking them you’re suddenly not bi anymore. It’s science.
I suppose that means we bi people exist in quantum superposition until someone observes us having sex.
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
Talk shit get hit.
sometimes i still think you’re here with me
ive spent the last 2 days watching keeping up with the kardashians this is beautiful
You know, funny story: There’s this craft store called Michaels. Look, my sister knits, and she goes to Michaels. So my sister called me and she’s like, “Oh my god, I’m at Michaels, picking up yarn. You have a poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “What?” She’s like, “There’s a poster, there’s a Falcon poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “Holy s**t!” She’s like, “I’m gonna come and pick you up, and we’re gonna see your poster in this store.” So she picks me up and we go to Michaels.
We go in, and I see the poster and I’m like, “Oh, this is….” She’s like, “I know, I know.” I said, “I’m gonna sign these posters.” I was like, “That would be amazing, you buy a poster and it’s like, actually signed by the Falcon.” Like, it would blow my mind. So I go to the front, I buy a Sharpie, I run back to the back of the store. And she’s like, “I’m gonna take a picture of you signing it.”
I’m in this store and I’m signing all the posters. The manager comes out, he’s like, “Hey, whatcha doing?” I was like, “Oh man, I’m signing these posters so when people buy ‘em, they’re signed.” He’s like, “Well, people are not gonna buy ‘em if they’re signed.” And I was like, “No, no, no, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a problem.” And he goes, “Yeah, but it is gonna be a problem, you’re messin’ up my inventory.” And I’m like, “No, my man, trust me. I mean, I’m the Falcon, that’s me!” And he goes, “Yeah, right. You’re gonna buy those posters.” I said, “What?” He’s like, “You’re gonna buy all those posters or I’m gonna call the police.”
He rolls up all the posters and goes to the front of the store. And I had to buy like 60 Falcon posters that I signed in Michaels.
Anthony Mackie getting in trouble for signing his posters at a Micheals (x)